I’ve Been Selling Real Estate Since Before You Were Born

Before discussing a leaking faucet, the listing agent would like to verbally dictate the entire resume.

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“I’ve been selling real estate since before you were born,” Fred Lewis, local real estate Broker, boasted. “My first sale was up over there, the little red house on 7th street. You know the one?”

Trying to move the subject toward the leaking faucet in the inspection report, he interjects.

“I was Realtor of the year in 1975, Board President from 77 to 82 and I’ve sold probably 25,000 homes.”

There’s no way this blow hard sold that many homes it’s physically impossible, you think to yourself.

“Purchased my first brokerage while interest rates were over ten percent and we still set sales records,” he blathered.

Yeah, about the leaky faucet.

“Hold on there son, you know how many leaky faucets I’ve seen in my career?”

25,000?

“About 25,000 leaky faucets. I once ate a handful of lead-based paint chips just to keep a deal together. This suit coat I have on is lined with asbestos,” he rambled.

The radon level was a little high you mention.

“Radon!”

Oh crap, here he goes.

“What’s with all this radon talk. Can’t see it, can’t smell it, sounds like a scam to me. I tell my sellers it’s just them crazy environmental freaks making things up.” he barked.

You set the phone down and walk away to get some coffee.

“I bet you’ve never processed a single short sale in your career. We ran an office out of the back of a Winnebago we parked on State street that only processed short sales….”

Two hours into the call you decide to just go fix the leak yourself.

Dan DeCapua

Dan DeCapua is an accomplished Realtor and stand up comedian. A Real Trends Top 1,000 agent in the U.S., member of the RE/MAX Hall of Fame and has the most positive reviews of any Ann Arbor based agent on Zillow. He keeps his trophies and various other accolades in a climate controlled, subterranean vault available for viewings the third Tuesday of every month. For your Metro Detroit/Greater Ann Arbor real estate needs call (734) 730-7061 or email [email protected]